The 2 Lists
The Shit List and the Good List, which one gets your attention?
The Lists
I am in new territory professionally. I needed some help. I hired a Coach. The benefits have been dramatic.
On our first call, we talked about a what I have on the go and at one point he took me through a model which totally resonated.
We have these two lists in our head: The Shit List and the Good List. What matters is how much time and attention we give each list.
For me, the Shit List gets A LOT of attention. I would say it’s probably 90% Shit List. The Good List is often completely absent or forgotten about.
What really gets me is that the Shit List has about 10 things on it, it’s a mole hill. The Good List has hundreds, if not thousands, of things on it. It’s a Mountain.
Why does the mole hill get so much of my attention?
The Shit List
This is the stuff I regret. The stuff I am embarrassed of. It’s the times when I was not my best. Hell, it’s when I was downright bad or shitty or mean or vengeful - it’s the Shit List after all.
This also includes examples of when I don’t get it right. When I am not good enough. When I say or do the wrong thing OR even when I say or do the right thing and it lands wrongly. For me, there are a handful of memories, most from years ago, which pop up from time to time. Like little explosions of shame or regret.
Another way to think of it is having 20 conversations in a day, and 19 go great but 1 not so much. Our focus is often on the 1, at the expense of the 19.
I will not riff on our physiology however it certainly plays a part. We are designed to survive. To do that, we need to be focused on threats, scary stuff, negativity. We are wired for it.
So the Shit List is wiring. Good thing we can work around it.
The Good List
Holding the door open, doing GOOD DEEDS!, saying Thank You and meaning it, being thoughtful to myself and others, smiling, having boundaries, being the best man I can be, making food for others, and so much more.
It’s the good stuff of life…the Good List.
After hearing of the 2 Lists, I started to write examples down. I found that I am regularly checking in with people, offering support, leaving messages, and following up, I write stuff, share stuff, I help people. It happens with me barely thinking and noticing yet it happens all the time. Which is pretty darn awesome!
There is a lot of evidence on the Good List of being a good person.
The Opportunity
More focus on the Good List!!
If my 90% Shit List/10% Good List is a reasonable ratio than even a 1% shift in attention would increase Good List time by 10% (I think that math holds up).
Imagine what is possible if that ratio goes to 80/20 or what about 50/50!!
Imagine if the Good List had 90% of my 2 List attention.
Life would be different. I would be different. I want that.
The Takeaway - make a Good List
This can look however you like.
Large themes like volunteering right down to specific examples such as helping a neighbor get their car out of the ditch.
If you really want to expand this, you can enlist others to add to your list.
This is a pretty cool option for Anonymous feedback…
https://www.admonymous.co/
…people seem more comfortable providing it anonymously.
Once you have your Good List - look at it twice a day. Focus on the Mountain.
Would love to hear how this lands? Curious what your 2 List ratio is for Shit List vs Good List now.
Be Good to yourself (and others).
Podcast: