Change Yourself to Change the World
The Only Option is to Work on Ourselves
All the Answers
I’ve got all the answers…for everyone else.
I can look at what they’re up to and prescribe the ways to make their life better with complete (and totally imagined) certainty.
My little ego has all the fixes. All the solutions.
Better sleep, get up earlier, journal, move your body, no alcohol, low sugar (still very much working on this), and much much more.
Just do what I do…
The Mirror I Can’t See
I have no idea what my face looks like as I move through the day.
Unless there is a mirror around or I am on a call with self view on (admittedly, I have been turning that off lately), I have no idea how my face looks.
This is a good metaphor. In my experience, it’s difficult to see myself and how I am in my life.
It’s easy to see others cutting people off in traffic.
When I do it, I am just in a hurry.
From the inside, things make sense and are lined up (mostly) yet I get feedback that this may not be the case.
Two things are true at once:
1. I can see how it is for others.
2. It’s difficult to see how it is for me.
Judgement
I have been asking others how they think about this duality.
Gathering input, advice, reflections.
The idea that I/we can look at another person in our life (a partner, children, parents, friend, colleagues, strangers) and have the answers for them.
To know what they should do.
Alas, this is my judgement.
I wrote about it here with the help of David Stegman
Summarizing thought:
Doing My Work
Here’s the truth, and this is hard to write and to own, is that underneath it all is a bit of rightousneous.
Judgement: I am doing my work and you should be doing your work.
Oh and maybe I know the work you should be doing too.
Full of Shit
The thing is…I have no idea.
I don’t know what you or they should be doing.
I am still working out what the hell I can be doing.
Maybe some basic stuff like manners, being on time, honouring your word, but even that is still all of my projection.
It’s just my opinion. My take on things. My perspective.
Simply put, I know (mostly) what might work for me and can admit that it may never work for you/them.
And that all my answers are simply that: my answers.
The Only Answer: Do My Work
I am careful with the therapy-speak of “doing my work” so I will clarify:
I see this as doing the things that I need, and want, to do so I can show up in my life how I want to show up.
Simple things like good sleep, healthy diet, move my body, smile.
Complex (yet still simple) things like being a good man, husband, father, son, provider.
Be the Change We Want to See
This all boils down to the ever present opportunity for me to take care of myself.
To do the things and be the change that I seek to see in the world.
To model, as much as possible, what that looks like.
To be the best I (we) can be, or at least strive for that, and to be an example of that pursuit.
From David on April 22, 2021
Focus on how to change yourself instead of how to change the world.
You can’t change the world, you can’t change your country, you can’t change your community, you can’t change your neighbours, and you can’t change your family, so please stop trying.
The only person you can change is yourself.
By changing yourself, you inspire your family, who inspires your neighbours, who inspires your community, who inspires your country, who inspires the world.
This is how to change the world.
This is an important perspective shift to take off some of the burden and pressure of feeling overwhelmed in how to make a meaningful impact in the world.
Focus on you and the rest shall follow :)
It’s Not What I Say
It’s what I do.
How I show up in my life.
In my home.
As a man, as a husband, as a father.
I lead myself and in this is always the answer in all outcomes in life.
In my home, I am the light house. The tent pole. I hold up the tent.
I can be an example to others, and they can be an example for me.
My wife. My kids. My friends. My colleagues. My parents. Perfect strangers.
This path is the only path.
Takeaway: Focus on how to change yourself. Do that. Be that.
Inspire others.
Change the world.
Help Can Be Helpful
Because I can’t see the mirror sometimes, having someone(s) hold up the mirror has been powerful. Post
“You’re not paying me to be your friend.
You’re paying me to hold the vision of your life.”
Happy to talk about this with you.
Thanks for being here.
You are amazing.
Kris
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